More Than a Penis

Cool T-shirts.

Bonus: Cool pants.
Double Bonus: Cool shoes.
Triple Bonus: Cool socks.
JUST BONE-US: Cool underwear. 

We’re Not So Sure About: American Apparel

So, you look pretty hot in that cute little red cardigan, and you really pull off that circle scarf in a way that doesn’t make me wonder if you’re gay, but it’s getting warm out, and I’m just not sure how I feel about you wearing a tank top. 

Yeah, the briefs are cute, but did you have to buy them in every color? Including fluorescent pink? I know they sell them in three packs for super cheap, but—wait…why is your V-neck so low cut? Yeah, I can see your NAVEL. Yes, I dig the banana yellow shirt with the blue hoodie, it’s a stylish and flattering combination but, really, I’m just not sure how I feel about this.

Facial Hair.

Whether it’s just a tad of scruff, or a full-on curly burly beard, facial hair is sexy. A scratchy face is always good for nose-rubbing. Face-cuddling. So good. So caress-able.

Tip: Keep it clean!

Other tip: Neck beard must be paired with face beard. Neck beard is not meant to stand alone.

A dick.

While it’d be nice to find a guy who’s more than just a walking, talking penis, the penis part is kinda important.

Like, kinda, really important.

It’s like doors on a car. No, they’re not the most crucial part of the vehicle, but without them, you just can’t get in.

Literally.